Rupture

Or How to Slow Down Very Quickly

Dearest Bowerbirders - it has been some time. There are at least eight draft posts sitting here - one from December last year! A thank you for being so lovely about The Hiding Place, a bunch of reading recommendations, one about toad-busting on Magnetic Island, one about forest-bathing and cave-dwelling over in Margaret River, one from the Isle of Harris…they all finish at the end of the first paragraph because I could never get over the line of deciding what the point of what I was sharing with you actually was; how would it help another writer? What little nugget of reflection or wisdom or joy was worth further cluttering your inbox with?

I’d decided to just keep putting off the idea of returning to this newsletter; in fact I’d just made QUITE the plan for a period of intense writing time liberally scattered with excellent gigs and travel (because a) I don’t learn and b) living requires finances) and days full of increased step-count, a hard core pilates routine and - smugly - a daily program of gardening (literally touching grass) to keep the whole thing running at optimal level.

Ha. (insert all the sayings about Making God Laugh, messages from the universe etc).

Contrary to the tales I’ve heard, I didn’t look around thinking I’d been shot on the suburban netball court when my achilles snapped. It was more of a sad little ‘pop’ followed by the great flush of humiliation that follows when you find yourself on the floor unable to stand up as a grown adult.

Look, I’m not even sure if this is one that shows my de-attached achilles tendon, but I’m so over sending pics of my current and ongoing view of my plastered foot as life updates, I thought I could switch it up a little.

In the fortnight that’s followed I’ve received a lifetime’s worth of lovely messages, meals, help, books and the kind of post-surgery pain-killers that really are the grandest kind of invention, aren’t they? I’ve moved through the sorry-for-myself phase - thrown into sharp relief by the fact that people I know and love are going through far far harder things than being abruptly slowed down for the next couple of months. This isn’t a woe-is-me post - the plaster comes off tomorrow and the prospect of 2 months in a moonboot feels positively blissful in comparison.

But I have to work out how to write again. And here seems as good a place as any as I open up my neglected manuscript and my journal which seems to be trolling me with it’s arrogant daily routine and word count plan all the way through to December which I finished typing hours before I headed out to netball…

Abruptly, I’ve been granted an expanse of wide open days in my diary that haven’t existed since - I can’t actually remember when. Different to holiday because I haven’t chosen or anticipated this and if I could I’d probably choose somewhere other than the four walls of my house. Not retreat - I’m still deep in the daily life of my family (who are doing a stellar job of dealing with a multi-tasking maniac now stuck on the couch) and time, as us writers know well, does not automatically equal words.

I’ve deleted instagram from my phone (an unexpected joy), put an OOO on my email and the powers that be know that I’m taking some time out while I rehab and get back on both feet. It should feel like a GIFT to have this time to write my novel.

Ha - again.

For a brief moment in my PhD adventure some years back I was focussed on the idea of creative momentum. I looked at pendulums and graphs and that Peter Carey metaphor about ‘cantilevering’, I tried to chart my own creative push and energy and fallow moments (from Vicki Hastrich). I know now, four novels in, some of what my creative process looks like; that I like to build up a ‘head of steam’ in research and getting my hands dirty (literally - think cane-toad dissections), pin pictures and diagrams on the wall of my studio, play around with big ideas and plots and talking things out, think for awhile that i’ve stumbled across the greatest most ambitious idea in literary history, start writing unconnected moments of heat, rearrange everything into some kind of order at about the 10k mark so that I can see an outline, have a crisis of confidence so complete I despair that I don’t have another idea in my back pocket, sulk, return to the manuscript and journal, make some more words, read inspiring chapters from clever writers about doing the work, get back to the page, remember I don’t have to write books, stick my chin out, decide i’m gonna write it anyway, carry on.

The momentum I used to crave was more of a daily slingshot, propelling myself from one busy thing to another, using adrenaline and pressurised time to surge the words out of me when I got to the studio. Always in motion, speeding through days and crashing into bed exhausted, setting the alarm to speed through the next one.

The problem with coming to an abrupt halt - think a sudden braking in a vehicle - is that all that careful, fragile stuff (plans, assumptions, expectations) you’ve naively popped on the back seat keep flying forward, smashing all over the interior of the car while you pant breathlessly, adrenaline spiking, feeling impossibly grateful that at least you didn’t rear end the car in front of you, or worse.

(Shonky metaphor - I know. Forgive me, like I said, I’m rusty.)

Once you actually stop to look, the wreckage left by that abrupt halt is quite a mess.

All that is to say, it appears the process is going to have to be a little different this time around. And maybe that’s a good thing.

I feel…idle.

Quiet.

Vulnerable.

Maybe these states, too, can serve the work.

This afternoon, while I sat and ate the dhal a lovely neighbour dropped off, I searched the Louisiana Channel for ‘writing process for fiction’ hoping to be inspired as I have been before. I started watching this interview with Danish writer Helle Helle. I’ve never read her works (although I’ve now put They on hold at my local library) but I was immediately transfixed by the way she talks about her writing process, editing, reading, the presentness of writing, other writers who inspire her (all new to me and now on list to suss out!) and much more. Potentially, I’d normally never have sat through the whole thing (it’s 50 minutes but I highly recommend it all!), and it required focussed attention because of the subtitles, but I finished it feeling a buzz in my brain and my body, grateful for the enforced slow down that allowed me to now have this writer and her wisdom in my mind.

How have you dealt with abrupt change in pace in your own projects? How has quiet slowness served you? How does one transfer a precious cup of tea while navigating a floor full of footy boots on a knee scooter?

Do let me know if you have any answers or advice.

What I’ve been

Reading

I’m woefully behind on updating my reads and the ever-growing book pile beside my bed is testament to the fact that even with this days and weeks blown wide open, I shall never catch up on all I want to read. Here, then, are some recent favourites.

The Names - Florence Knapp. I know most of you are already across this bestseller but OH! The shape of it, the heart-crunching moments of it, those names. Loved it. Also loved going into it not knowing what was coming - so if you are one of the readers who has missed this so far, go in knowing nothing and I reckon the pleasure of what Knapp has done here will be all the greater.

A Short History of Longans - Mirandi Riwoe. An epic family history that is deeply intimate. Each character in this novel is so deeply and utterly real. The unsettled and unsettling voice of xxx reckoning with dementia is a thing to behold.

Rites of Spring - Kris Kneen. Sexy eco-folk-horror that hits thriller vibes while also meditating deeply on transformations of all kinds. Sexy AF.

For more Brisbane greatness - brilliant Laura Elvery won the Elizabeth Jolly Short Story Award with C.Q.D and you can read it now in ABR. She is so so good with the short story form (read Ordinary Matter and Trick of the Light if you haven’t) and it also feels (correct me if I’m wrong Laura and/or Brisbane Literati) that she had delicious fun writing this.

Blue Giant - Jordan Prosser. Prosser is supremely impressive and I was a massive fan of his debut Big Time. His new novel Blue Giant made me laugh and read out lines aloud to my partner and it’s very clever and very sharp and somehow while showing us the very worst of ourselves, he also shows some of the good stuff (but mostly the worst).

Griefdogg - Michael Winkler. I’m ashamed to admit Griefdogg is my fist foray into the brain of Michael Winkler and it will not be the last. The kind of very smart, very funny, sometimes bonkers book that is surprises with how deftly it wriggles under the skin and into the heart.

John of John - Douglas Stuart. Read this while I was on the Isle of Harris and so I feel imprinted by both the characters of this story and the place in which it is set. So so good. Expect to see it on the Booker list.

On the calculation of Volume I - Solvej Balle. Again, late to this literary party but very much enjoyed. The kind of book I want to go immediately and read every interview with the writer to see how and why and when she did it (this is a good one) and Fiona Wright has an excellent review of the series in the ABR). Read the first one quickly, the second not doing it as much for me, but then I am currently stuck in my own version of November 18 so it’s probably a me thing.

Cold River - Margaret Hickey. I’ve just started this new one from Hickey and it has me gripped. Starts with a missing hiker in the Victorian mountains and I’m loving the pace and the depictions of the mountain setting at the same time as WISHING I could be out hiking right now. Hickey has had to cancel the tour for COLD RIVER as she undergoes cancer treatment so if you’re looking for a guaranteed thrilling read, buy or borrow this one and share the love.

And some things not quite available to you yet, but add to cart/request at library!

People Skills - Nina Kenwood. Failed to sleep between Melbourne and Dubai because of this book. Here’s my official take: Kenwood is on my Auto-Read list for any new book she writes. Smart, sexy, feel-good rom coms with no notes. PEOPLE SKILLS is delicious catnip for readers obsessed with book world and everyone who needs a little heart flutter in their lives. Out with Text Oct 6.

No One’s Looking - Brooke Davis. Oh my heart. Sisters and tennis and ageing and pleasure and rage and one very special dildo. I cackled and I guarantee you will too. Out Oct 13.

Dark Days Hotel - Anna Downes. ‘Live your best life. Or die trying’ has got to be one of the best taglines for the new brand of wellness horror sweeping bookstores. Downes aces it. Atmospheric luxury Tassie wellness retreat as a setting, complicated heroes and villains with brilliant dialogue, intricate plotting combined with clever on point science stuff. Loved it. Reckon this is her best yet. Out October 27.

Watching

There has been too much television. But a hard recommend for Ride or Die (Netflix) - mostly just for Hannah Waddingham and Octavia Spencer who are brilliant in this very easy to watch assassin thriller with some lines and moments about women’s friendship that are made for instant sending to your besties.

Got coming up

While I’ve had to withdraw from a bunch of gigs I was very much looking forward to as I wobble back to normal operations, here are a few things in the calendar I’d love to see you at:

• Launching the brilliant and joyful I LOVE THE WHOLE WORLD for Victoria Hannan at Readings Carlton next Wednesday August 12 at 6pm. Free, but please book here.

• Writing as Play workshop. Friday September 4, 2-3pm at Miller’s Homestead, Boronia. Tix $10, bookings here.

• Port Fairy Literary Weekend, Sep 11-13. Such a fabulous regional festival! I’ll be hosting ‘What if…Fiction at the edge of reality’ with Michael Winkler (GRIEFDOGG), Brendan Colley (THE SEASON FOR FLYING SAUCERS) , Wayne Marshall (HENRY GOES BUSH) and Jordan Prosser (BLUE GIANT) on Saturday and joining Michelle Wright and Melissa Manning on stage with Hilary Harper on Sunday, but it’s one of those marvellous festivals where you are best to buy a weekend pass and get to everything you possibly can while soaking up the atmosphere. Check out the full line up and get tix here.

I’ll be aiming to write here a little more frequently while I’m getting my writing chops back. Enjoy your days and thank you, as always, for being here x