The Big and the Little Things
I’m writing this looking out at rainy Russel St from the comfort (and power source, in all the ways) of State Library Vic. I used to come in here for quiet and brain fizz as a uni student, and then had the delight of working here in the Education team for seven years; now it’s a place for writing and thinking and sometimes bookish things. It’s my go-to city place to regroup and settle my brain. And today I need it; I’ve just finished interviewing the extraordinary human Behrouz Boochani (keep an eye on The First Time podcast next week for an extra special bonus episode) and, after admitting that I wasn’t attending his sold out event at the Wheeler Centre because I was too slow to get tickets, he gifted me one. So now I’m sitting here, holding the tension of feeling guilty because I’ve just called on my village to sort kids and home life so I can be out doing writerly important things yet again, at the same time as being deeply lucky and privileged to be able to see Behrouz speak. (postscript: the event was extraordinary.)
Despite the rain, it feels lush and festive in the city. And yet. Having just spoken to Boochani after immersing myself in his writing - his new book Freedom, Only Freedom and his first No Friend but the Mountain: Writings from Manus Prison - it’s difficult to reconcile the suffering and horror in his words with any sense of festive cheer.
During a ten minute Uber ride today, the driver told me that it was important to always approach things - big or little, difficult or easy, with a positive attitude. I asked him how that worked in his life and he told me his story of coming to Australia by boat from Afghanistan via Indonesia, how even when the journey was at its most perilous, when he thought of friends on boats before him who had drowned, he kept a positive mindset. How he thinks that helped when he arrived safely (before some of the more draconian border measures implemented and kept in place by successive Australian governments) and eventually was able to bring his wife and three daughters and son here. They are doctors and dentists now. He is very proud.
How do we hold the Big and the Little in our minds and bodies at the same time? How do we work out when what we think is Big is actually Little (getting the Christmas Tree up on time, perhaps) and what is Little is actually Big (laying with the big kid for a long cuddle after being away).
This time of year everything comes to a head. For parents; no doubt your childcare or school notifications are going off-tap - dress up days and 2023 order forms and end of year events - and maybe, like me, you are blocking bits in your upcoming calendar that say MUST THINK ABOUT XMAS PRES or MUST UPLOAD PHOTO BOOK BY HERE. For some, those who have lost loved ones this years, or had a shitty time of it, there may be a feeling of wanting to flick a switch that says PLEASE CANCEL IT ALL THIS YEAR. There is not, as we’d hoped, any reprieve from the pandemic; it’s just become a moral/ethical minefield again as we negotiate colleagues and friends and family and expectations and health.
But then, there’s also the gloriousness of your kid whispering ‘it’s only 11 sleeps’ or seeing candles flickering in someone’s front window, the plans for summer, the thought of a break (for those lucky enough to get it) - maybe toes in the sand, or books without getting out of bed, seeing people you’ve missed.
I’m conscious that (like having a podcast!) starting a newsletter is not permission to dump on your readers, that being said, I reckon a bunch of you might be feeling the same push/pull, Big/Little, brain melting wobbles, so, this is just to say, I SEE YOU (and highly recommend taking the bottom 5 things off your list, switching off your phone and reading a book with a cuppa or whatever floats your boat, we don’t have to catch the stress of the moment). I loved this from writer Helen S Fields in my feed this week:
So stop when you need to stop. Enough is enough. Don’t punish yourself. Don’t feel guilty. Don’t look at social media. Don’t let this Christmas slip by without stopping to tell yourself what a great job you’re doing. Let it be imperfect and enough. Let yourself laugh.
Imperfect and enough. Words to live by.
For those of you who celebrate, may your Christmas be peaceful and joyous and cherry-filled. For paid subscribers, I’ll be back in your inbox before the end of the year (thank you again and always for your financial support) and for all subscribers - thank you so much for your attention and support, look forward to sharing words with you in the new year.
K xx
Lots of bowerbirding in all the ways recently. Here’s a bunch of things that have been giving me buzz.
Doing
I was super lucky to fit in four days of retreating and revising thanks to a Creative Vic grant for RMIT NovelLab. I printed out the ms, lay everything on the floor and worked through chronologically (with feedback this time!). Was AMAZING to have time and space to read through the whole novel twice in those four days - they are big, slippery beats, novels, and I find it so helpful to do these fast work throughs to have a sense of the whole thing in my brain. Also there were swims. And urban-foraged white mulberries. And lovely food and convo.
Katherine Collette and I recorded our final episode of S5 and admitted neither of us could do Best Of lists. It’s such a tricky time - the Best Of time of year - wonderful for authors who get a book on such a list, but totally shite for anyone who doesn’t get a guernsey. Having said that I really enjoy READING the lists when I have no skin in the game and when LitHub’s Favourite Books of the Year list comes out I immediately put a bunch of those books on hold at my local library to ensure random and delightful reads in the new year.
Katherine and I also chatted about our interview highlights for the year and I had to include George Saunders and the moment Sarah Winman transformed into one of her characters as she spoke to me. Also got in a mention for chats with Michelle de Kretser and Liane Moriarty but to be honest I could have picked any of them - love love love talking to writers.
Reading
I asked Twitter for essays or writing on the anatomy of rivers and two fabulous folk recommended Dart by Alice Oswald - a book of poetry based on two years Oswald spent walking and talking with people along the river Dart. I bought it as an ebook on Saturday morning and read it without stopping and by Monday I went and bought a beautiful hardcopy from Readings because it’s so magnificent and I want to trace my fingers over the words. Oswald describes the long poem as the ‘mutterings of the river’. Love love loved it. This is why, despite everything, I still can’t bring myself to leave Twitter.
Finally (and reluctantly) finished the exceptional Babel by R.F Kuang. All-consuming speculative history set in Oxford and exploring translation, colonialism, racism, workers rights…SO GOOD. Highly recommend. Kuang is now on my wishlist for interviews (along with Jennifer Egan, Ling Ma and Liz Gilbert to name a few!)
Dancing Barefoot by Alice Boyle is glorious YA with all the feels, utterly perfect for the YA lover on your present list. If you’re looking for more YA, Leanne Hall just added another prize to her swag, by winning the PM’s Literary Award for The Gaps. Add to your list if you haven’t already read this one!
Bliss Montage by Ling Ma - brilliant short story collection in the spec fic vein of her debut novel Severance which I loved. Clever, brain bending, highly recommend.
Listening
Katherine has been loving on Esther Perel hard lately, and while I’ve read and was fascinated by The State of Affairs, I haven’t kept up to date with Perel’s podcast Where Should We Begin. But post Katherine’s brush with the woman herself (hear all about it in this week’s finale ep) I wanted more of Perel’s voice in my ear and listened to her conversation for The Imperfects. Some absolute pearls of wisdom in this re desire, power struggles and how and why relationships change over time.
Watching
Totally binged 1899 - the German period mystery-science fiction Netflix series set on a ship. Loved the puzzles, loved the fact that most of the characters spoke in different languages so couldn’t understand each other, loved trying to work out what the hell was going on (def watch with subtitles not dubbed!). From the makers of Dark which I haven’t watched but is now high on my list.
Coming Up
Couple of courses I’ve got coming up in the new year if you want to treat yourself, or the writer in your life to a writerly festive gift!
Talking the Talk: online workshop with tips and strategies for all the talking we have to do around our writing projects. Daytime (Feb 14) and evening (Feb 8) workshops available.
Writers Victoria Season 1 2023 program is out and fabulous! Join me to get your writing year kicked off with Bootcamp for Beginning Writers – 3 full day online workshops (Feb 12, Feb 26, March 26).